Today

Today wasn't so bad....it wasn't so good either....but it wasn't so bad.

It went as I described it would in the previous blog entry....but add in Leah screaming the entire car ride home and me anxious. I made Leah anxious for a bit at home too bc I was so worked up about work. I have to learn not to do that. I just wish I never said I would go back but I am sure it is all happening for a reason. It will be good for us to save money and I know that one day I will be happy that I went back.

weekend

Thanksgiving was so much fun at Julian's house...hte turkey was awesome and it was fun to play poker at night...leah looked so cute in her dress and she was really happy that day! It was a great time.

I woke up at 4am on Friday and woke julian up... i wanted to quit my job...i actually called someone around 9am tring to convince her to take my job but she couldnt...plus i guess it would have been hard to get away with...

Then we went to my parents and julian and i went to see Blind Side...such a great movie.

last ight i ate brussel sprouts and leah flipped out and screamed and wouldnt take my breastmilk. I flt so bad that i held her long after she fell asleep and brought her to my bed around 5am for an hour too... good thing i had pumped milk...

tomorrow is my first day back... i am getting to lisas by7 ( sorry for typos...feeding and typing at dame time)...then i wil feed leah and get to work roun 7:30... I have a break for an hour at 10:20 and will pump and prep for the next day...at 12:20 i am going to see leah and then i teach from 1- 2:35 and then i will clean up and leave at 3 to get her and come home. It will be good....tuesday is the same except i have a staff mtg after work...Wednes, i don't have prep but stop teaching at 1:30 but have grade level mtg... julian's mom is coming and staying wed and thurs night... then friday brandi is coming for the weekend. pretty much though, all i want to do is play and hold leah from 3:30 on...

well gotta get us to bed...

holiday stress

Oh holidays.... and with a baby....so many joys....but I am anxious about a few things...

I am a little stressed out right now....yes, it is 2:46 in the morning and I've been up since 2am and cannot go back to sleep. I am anxious about Thanksgiving this year. I am looking forward to going to Julian's house because I haven't been but sad that I won't be with my family. Julian's mom is making turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing and there will be pie and whipped cream...She made sure to ask me what I like for Thanksgiving and I can tell she just really wants me to feel at home and I love that about her. She is always very considerate...and for it being my first Thanksgiving away from my family and friends, I know it is going to be very nice....That isn't what I am stressed about... most of all, I am stressed out about everyone being soooo excited and wanting to hold the baby all night and wanting to hold her myself most of the time. Of course I will share, but when everyone holds her for 10 minutes, it can add up to quite a lot of time away from me, and it's not something that I am comfortable with.

I don't know why I am so stressed out about this....all the moms I know always hold their babies most of the time and let people hold them a little bit and take them back... everyone understands this. And yet, I am still stressed out about it. I've been up for an hour already.

When I am at my family's house, my extended family doesn't get to hold the baby that much at all. And honestly, I don't care about telling them no and that I want to hold her or that they can hold her later or let them hold her for a little bit but take her back...Julian and I usually hold her and that's pretty much it....my stepmom or sister will for a little bit but I can and do just take her back... We went to a Halloween party with my family and I held her for 99% of the time and didn't feel bad about it. I think that one aunt held her for about 3 minutes and another held her for about 5 minutes and maryann held her for about 5 minutes....everyone else just looked at her while I was holding her and I didn't feel bad about this.

A few weeks ago I went out to frozen yogurt with Kathryn and she was telling me that her cousin feels the same way...she said that at holidays with both families, she will let people hold the baby but just for a little bit and then take her back or will ask her husband to go get her for her....so I know that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way.

It stresses me out when I get places and people immediately want to take the baby from me...I like to get her familiar first and comfortable. Everyone gets so excited and I TOTALLY understand that...but I also don't like when people take her and then just walk away.....but I reallllly get stressed out when she cries for a bit and so I just need to take her back. I know that people are capable of calming her, but as her mom, I want to do it. It's nothing personal against everyone else, it's just my child and my job and my heart that feels like it is aching when I hear it.

I kept waking Julian up while I was feeding Leah... "Julian, what if I don't get to hold her at all that night?" and he'd reply, "Sam, you are her mom. You dont have to feel bad if you want to hold her the entire night." and then about 20 minutes later, "Julian, what if people come to take her from me?" "Sam, you can say no. It's okay". Don't get me wrong, it's not that I won't share the baby a little bit. People can hold her here and there....I just don't want it to be expected that everyone will get to hold her and pass her around all night.

Now it has been an hour and 22 minutes since I have been up. I am thankful that so many people love my child and are excited about seeing my child....How sad it must be to not have family that want to hold her and love her....this is something my baby girl will never need to experience and I am thankful for that..... I just hope that Julian's family reacts similarly to how my family did in understanding that I love them and I LOVE their love for my and Julian's baby....and I'll share her a little bit but I still need to be the main person with her and caring for her...

Oh, I am going to be sleep deprived tomorrow. Sarah is going to try to take some pictures of Leah for a Christmas card. She is going to wear a cute red dress with black polka dots. She is such a doll.

Ok well, I better try to get some sleep. Leah will be up in an hour I bet... I will need to say my prayers again and ask God to take my anxiety away for the holidays and for going back to work as well. That stress could fill up a hundred blog pages, but I'll save it for another day.

Tying to the book that Leah and I read in the rocking chair, all I have left to say is ..."Goodnight Moon."

twinkle toes

Today I put Leah in an outfit called twinkle toes. That's really the only reason that I titled this entry that...

Today we snuggled in the morning like usual and then met the other mommies at a painting place. The girl was NOT so pleased that we were all there, but poop on her....doesn't she know that we need to get out too? I painted a mug and leah slept...I attempted to get a hand and foot print on the mug and covered her little feet with paint and her little hand with paint...and it was just a fun mess. It turned out pretty cute....certainly not fantastic, but it was fun until all the babies started crying and disrupting the place...but we were finished by then.

After that, I went and got a cookie AND cupcake from the nearby bakery. After that I saw that my car had been marked bc we can only stay in the parking lot 2 hours...well, baby wipes come in handy so I just took a wipe and wiped off the chalk and stayed there another two hours and ate lunch at Chow in Lafayette with a few other moms.

We got home and then I fed Leah and went on a 40 minute walk. She napped. I really enjoy taking ehr for walks and "wearing" the baby. I think it's very comforting for her and I like to have her with me.

I am not looking forward to going back to work but trying to be positive. It is only 3 weeks until I get to be home for a good two weeks and just enjoy her. We got her a cute hat for the snow. My stepmom bought her a warm snow suit (although it isn't waterproof because she will never be in the snow this year...but just for if we are outside at all like walking to the car or what not).

I bought a journal that logs out each half hour and it has places to check off when she naps, plays, eats, and gets changed. I started filling it out and will ask Julian's mom and Lisa to do it for a while so that we can all communicate that way. When so many of us are watching the baby, it's important that she is still on some sort of consistent routine. :)

Tomorrow I am going to a class about baby teeth...

Here is the class description:

Tips for Teething
Infant Oral Health/care of teeth
Preventing Cavities
Development (which teeth, when)
What to expect at the first dental visit
Topical Fluoride
Trauma Prevention

I'll let you know how that goes after I go there! Ok well, it's time to get Leah down for another nap...Hopefully she sleeps until Julian gets home and is rested.

pumping class

Today I went to a class that showed me stuff for pumping and maintaining my breastmilk supply for when I go back to work. It is a lot harder to do when working but here's the most important stuff:

*I need to pump about 2-3 times at work per day.

*When people give Leah a bottle, it is important to tickle the top lip and make her latch on. It's also important not to have her just suck the tip, but to get the whole bottle nipple in her mouth. This keeps her correctly latching for when she breastfeeds, otherwise it will be painful and not very productive.

*It should take her about 20 minutes to take the bottle just as if it would take 20 minutes to breastfeed. If not, it will make bottlefeeding more desirable because it's easier...

*I need to work with Leah's caregivers so that when I come home or pick her up, she is ready to feed. This means that we will need to talk each afternoon so that they know what time I will be there so that Leah is not just fed a bottle when I walk in...She should have her last bottle about 2hours before I go home....so around 2:00-2:30pm. This will make her ready to eat when I get there. Breastfeeding ups the milk supply much more than pumping does so it's important to do that as much as possible.

Julian is talking with Leah now...she is much more verbal these days making noises. It is so cute!!!

We are watching Jon and Kate plus 8...the finale.

answer

Jen, in response to your question-

Leah weighs 11 pounds and 9oz as of today. Soon she will gain weight less rapidly...

So I only actually ot her to stay asleep for about 45 min. exactly.... and then when I fed her, she acted like she was done because she doesn't like the bottle. I fed her about 2.5 oz of pumped milk and I just had a feeling that she was still hungry even though she was completely wanting nothing to do with the bottle....so, I started to breastfeed her and she ate for about 5 minutes actively which at this point gives her a lot of milk.....so that's why it's really important to keep offering her the bottle over and over because she just would rather not take it....

We need her to eat about 25oz of milk throughout her day starting from when she wakes up so that she is tanked up enough to get through most of the night wihtout waking up.

Routines for going back to work.

Today I went to a class and learned important stuff regarding feeding and sleeping...I want to write it down so that anyone that watches Leah can have the same info...

the important stuff/cliff note version

*she needs to eat every 2-2.5 hours.

*she needs at least 2.5 oz per feeding.

*she must take several naps during the day lasting no less than 45min. and no more than 3 hours.

*She must be asleep by the time she has been awake for 2 hours.

Now here is the full version:

SLEEP

She should only be awake for a MAX of 2 hours (which includes when she eats) Then please get her to take a nap that lasts AT LEAST 45 minutes but preferably an hour. The nurse said that anything less than that is not going to work for a nap. If she doesn't sleep well during the day, it is highly likely that she will not sleep well at night. If she wakes up before or near 45 minutes, try to comfort her and get her to go back to sleep because the nap doesn't count until she's reached that 45 minute mark. Even then, see if she can sleep a little longer by patting her or whatever. They suggested patting her because every hour (or with Leah probably a little less) babies go from deep sleep to light sleep....they said that this was for survival so they don't sleep so long that they suffocate or something...waking up often helps them with their breathing, etc. It makes sense I suppose. So if you can get them to get in another deep sleep, the nap will last longer.

EAT

When she wakes, please feed her. She needs to eat a minimum of 2.5 oz per serving but should be 3-4. A full serving can be up to 5 oz. If she only takes a little, keep offering it to her. Please do not wait until she starts crying out of hunger to start to offer the bottle. Every 2-2.5 hours, she should be eating. The rule of thumb (so says a lady in class) is offer her the bottle even if she is not crying (crying is a late sign of hunger) offer it for 5 minutes. If after 5 minutes she doesn't want it, wait 15 minutes or so and try again. She prefers the breast and will sometimes resist. Beyond that, at 3 months her vision is increasing tremendously and it makes it so that she gets distracted much easier. She found her hand recently and so she'd rather look at that than eat but after a few minutes, she goes back to eating.

PLAY- during play time, make sure to include tummy time. Make sure she is supervised so she doesn't suffocate when she is on her tummy. The way that I learned to do it is to always start them on their back...play with them and then roll them on their tummy. Have one toy for her to see and keep your hand on her back and lay and talk with her so she doesn't get scared. She usually lasts about 10 seconds where she starts to fuss. I leave her there and cheer her on for as long as she can take it without getting too frustrated.....then roll her onto her back again. Do this a few times per day so that she gets her muscles strong to crawl. During play time she loves to look in a mirror and watch her mobile spin. She enjoys when you read and sing to her and with her. She just today for the first time grabbed and hung on to a little ball we have. It was so cute.

When she starts to divert her gaze and cry a little it usually means she has had enough and do something quiet like cuddle and get ready for a nap.

Our routine:

I try to follow something I got from "the baby whisperer" which is the EASY method. Follow this order: E-eat, A-activity, S-sleep, Y-your time (do whatever while she is sleeping). and then repeat. This will ensure that we all are on the same routine if we all follow this method. That way when I pick her up, you can tell me that she just ate, so I will know automatically that it's time to do an activity....or if she has been playing, then I will know that I need to get her to take a nap, etc.

Naps have been a challenge but I think that I found the key...

To get her to go to sleep, you have to catch it before she is overtired and crying...swaddle her after you've played, (a trick is to do this near the mobile :) she stays distracted.) Then take her to the yoga ball and bounce her. If she is somewhere without a yogaball, just bounce her up and down. Or try a bouncer. I also use white noise and the combination gets her to nod off after about 10 minutes. If she already started crying, it can take way longer...hence why I say it's super important to pay attention to when she starts to yawn. In just a few min. after that, she gets hysterical. Fickle little thing. :)

Here would be a sample of our day:

6:00am- Feed. (remember she needs to eat at least 2.5oz. So keep feeding her even after she takes a break)

- Activity

-get ready for nap.

8:00-9:00am- nap

9:00am- Feed full serving.

- play

- get ready for walk and load up stroller

-make sure she is all changed and ready to go.

by 10:45 start walking....she'll cry a little but as long as she has been fed and changed, she should quiet down.

11:00-12:00 walk and she should be sleeping in the stroller during this time.

12:00- feed

and then it just continues on like that.

She is taking a nap right now and she started crying....so I just went in there and started the white noise heartbeat again and rocked her for a few minutes and set her back down. She fell back asleep. I will keep doing that until she has slept at least 45 minutes.

Ok, well my thoughts are down on paper, so we will see how this goes. I wish I could do it myself but since I can't, Lisa and Julian's mom will make fabulous substitutes.

cuddle bug

Leah has been so cute recently (she always is) but she has been cuddling in the morning and going back to sleep wtih me. Today we actually napped until 10am. I am beyond rested! Then we played a bit and I fed her again and we went for a long walk. I had to call Julian because I didn't exactly know where I was...but I had only gone about 2 miles. She napped about the whole way until we were almost home. It's a good thing that I pack a bottle or I would have to walk around with her attached to me so she could eat. I actually did that at Carter's yesterday when I was getting her clothes. I have to say that was def. something i SWORE that I would never do and would look at other mothers and wonder "what are they thinking?" but I'll just add that to the list of things I said I wouldn't do :). I DID wear a cover so I was not exposed though! The guy said that other women go thre and just whip it out totally bare so he said that he was totally cool with me doing it with a cover.

I actually was able to do 2 loads of laundry and shower today as well. Right now she is sleeping in her swing and I am watching TV. Days like today are so great....just spending time with her and she's happy and not fussy and naps easily. I live for these days. :)

To top it all off, my fruitsnak pack was full of reds and oranges. It is such a good day.

little one

Leah is napping right now. She has had 2 nights this week where she has been really overstimulated by too many people. But both times, once she was home with just us, she was a happy girl again.

We have about 2 weeks left with me staying home. I am pretty sad about going back to work, but I will come home as soon as I can after work and spend time with her. I think the next 7 months are going to be a challenge for me, but the important thing is that she will be safe and I will be able to spend as much time with her as possible starting at 4pm. I am counting on my fingers saying 4-5-6-7-8-9 ok 5 hours before we put her down and then time in the middle of the night for feeding and stuff. That's not too bad, I suppose...but not my 24 hours pretty much that I've gotten used to. Somewhere in there I will find time to work out but I will probably just walk with the baby...On rainy days, I have no idea...Maybe gym in the morning before work.

Today Leah has been napping really well and been very happy. She has been smiling at me all morning and then I put her under her mirror and she is just smitten with herself and doens't even know it. She keeps smiling and kicking her feet. She thinks she is looking at another baby but doesn't yet know that it's herself. It's so cute.

She is all packed up and sleeping in her stroller right now. I am going to take her to the park for a walk and then I am meeting a friend and her baby at a "babywearing class" where they show you different ways to "wear" your baby....I have slings and wraps and stuff like that so they help show you all the different ways to try it things. After that I will probably get a coffee or frozen yogurt with Pam and then head home to meet Julian. We have our baptism class tonight at 7:30. Neither Julian nor I are looking forward to it but we get to bring the baby so we'll just focus on her and we won't be as bored. For some reason it was really important to my dad to pick out a christening gown for Leah and it arrived last week. I'll look at it tonight. Ok, well we are off to walk and go to class.

10 weeks

Unless I have lost count, my baby is 10 weeks today! I think she is about 11 pounds as well. She has started to sleep longer periods during the night...we usually can get between 4-6 hours at one stretch followed by 1.5-3 hours....of course there are nights where it's 2-3 all over again, but the trend is that she is sleeping longer for now. That makes me happy since I am going back to work and need to have energy for 34 (some very) roudy munchkins.

I am not happy about going back to work. I just keep telling myself that I can leave after contract hours are up and come home...but it still doesn't seem like enough time with Leah. I had a hard time sleeping 2 nights ago because I just kept thinking about it. I don't know how I am going to leave her and I feel like I will just think about her all day. I wish I never said I'd go back to work...ugh.

Her Lola is here right now and Leah is due for her nap. When she's not sleepy and crying, she smiles a lot now and makes cooing noises. She can have a whole conversation with you if you make the noises back at her. It's so cute. Julian taught her how to wave back (well, she just moves her arm and waves it) It was adorable. She moves her right arm and not her left so we think we have a right handed dribbler in our house.

Halloween Fun

So we went to my friend Kelly's daughter's first birthday party....she was born on Halloween. I think that would be a fun bday to have....Leah dressed as her pea pod and Lily was a bee. It was so cute to see them together. Lily was very sweet to her and gave her kisses, etc. At night, we went to my parents' house and hung out. Julian and I were going to go out but then my stepmom made fried chicken and you know how Julian loves friend chicken! It was delicious.

Tomorrow is Leah's 2 month birthday AND her 2 month doc. appt. We are going to get her shots tomorrow and she is NOT going to like it. It might make me cry watching her so upset! I have the tylenol already packed though.

Today we went for a walk but she was fussy......so we came home and played, ate, and then napped. We did kangaroo care/skin to skin....it is supposed to help regulate baby's heartrates and calm them down to have their skin touched to their parents. She did calm down and napped and then woke up and pooped all over herself and me. That was fun. I got her cleaned up and set her in her crib....now she started to cry. Gotta go :)